ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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