you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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