I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
