I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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