Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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