I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The chlamydia really affected his face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
