Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
