I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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