Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
