So drunk its hurt
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
