Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
