Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i out mim tonsoeep
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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