Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
