I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
