Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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