Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
