I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
