All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
