i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My pussy is not your playground.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
