If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
