At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
