Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
