What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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