Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
