I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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