if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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