Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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