I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
