You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize