Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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