Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
