And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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