how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
