the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
