Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
