So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
