just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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