strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
