Pants 0. Shit 1.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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