Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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