wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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