Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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