this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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