i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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