we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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