I swear she didn't look like that last week.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
