He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize