sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He better not be in your backpack
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
