it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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