1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
