I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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