I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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