Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
