I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
