this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dicks are not precious.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
