The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
