I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
