Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
