I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
