I hate your face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
