Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
