when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
