ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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